Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s out there who put in the time to be there for your kids. Happy Father’s Day to the step-dads who stepped up and took on responsibilities of the kids that came with your wife and you love them like your own. Happy Father’s Day to the single dad’s who pull double duty and to the Single MOM’s who have to be Mom and Dad. Happy Father’s Day to the teachers who take kids under their wing when they know they have an absent father figure.
Most importantly, Happy Father’s Day to my incredible husband who has grown into a fantastic father to our amazing son. I don’t have enough words but I’m going to try to paint a picture of just how great of a dad Timothy really is.
Timothy wanted to wait five years after we were married to have kids. We had a plan. Our five year plan to get our lives together, finish school, have the big money and the big house with two cars and a dog before we thought about having two kids. Well, a few weeks before our wedding we found out someone we knew was considering an abortion for a child she didn’t want. After discussing it, I asked her if she’d consider letting us adopt the baby instead. Tim was terrified of being a dad and worried he wouldn’t be a good one. I didn’t think he would be as crushed as I was when we found our Hannah Grace had been aborted, but he was. I knew in those tragic moments, that he was going to be an amazing, loving father who put himself second to his kids.
For a couple of months we lived the newlywed life, but the loss of that angel baby weighed heavy on both of us. He saw how badly I wanted to be a mother and even though he wanted to stick to the five year plan, he wanted to give me a child. He wanted his wife to be happy. He didn’t want the responsibility. He didn’t want to share his wife. He didn’t want the tears (of both joy and sadness) that came with raising a child. Not yet. But he wanted his wife to be happy. When we started trying we found out that it might not be possible for me to have kids. You can imagine the shock when I got a positive pregnancy test to give to him on Valentine’s day. I was told by his co-workers at Academy that he ran around the store telling everyone he was gonna be a daddy. (After I told him on the phone and he almost fell off of a ladder. Ooops.)
I will never forget when we went to First Photo Fetal Imaging to find out the gender of our baby. Tim has three sisters and I’m the oldest of three girls. We just knew we were getting a daughter. Everyone in our families knew we were getting a daughter. (And my husband, God bless him, isn’t the most masculine of men that walked the earth. We knew we were having a girl.) The appointment got off to a rocky start because I didn’t know I had to pay cash and not with my debit card. So he had to run to the ATM across the street. He was so frustrated until the moment the technician put the little wand on my stomach and the first thing she saw made her say, “Well, daddy. I think you got your wish.” Tim froze. I think he was scared he misinterpreted what she’d meant. His eyes were wide and he looked like if he moved the image would disappear. “Its a boy.” He heard the words and grabbed the edge of the counter he was standing beside. “Its a boy? Oh its a boy… its a boy! I need to sit down.” He was too excited and I couldn’t stop crying. I was so happy that he was that excited, but I was also scared because I had absolutely no idea how to raise or take care of a baby boy!
At 26 weeks, I went into preterm labor and had to leave work to drive myself to the Urgent Care center because at the time, I didn’t know what was happening. He met me there and I got a scolding from both him and my mother about driving myself while I was having contractions. (Well I wasn’t staying at GEICO!) We were sent to the hospital where he didn’t leave my side unless my mother made him go eat because he refused to eat in front of me when they wouldn’t allow me to eat. After three days in the hospital, they stopped my labor and sent me home on modified bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. Tim worked two jobs, we were on food stamps and WIC, and I kept my vendor job since it was something I could easily do without risking our son.
Because of complications, I was induced at 37 weeks. Braiden was tiny, unable to stomach breast milk or regular formula and was put into the children’s hospital the day after we were sent home. When they stuck our baby, Tim cried. He talked to that little baby like he understood every word telling him that he was so sorry but Daddy was there. He slept in the hospital bed with Braiden on his chest and me curled up against his side. When it was my turn to hold the baby he stayed right there. Tim would get up and do the middle of the night feedings and diaper changes while I was healing. He played music, figured out ways to hold a bottle and play a video game at the same time, and was so proud of his baby boy. Always. Through a hospital stay after a tonsillectomy, two flus, numerous stomach bugs, autism diagnosis, therapy meltdowns, and birthday parties that I know he hates putting on, He has been the father I always knew he would be.
Now he is proving himself once again to be that amazing dad. In February of this year, he lost the job he’s had for most of Braiden’s life. It has put him into a depression like I’ve never seen because he thought he had friends in his co-workers, but that just wasn’t the case. Not a single person from the animal control world has reached out to see how he is doing, to see how his family is, or to even just say hi. It has weighed heavy on him to know that while he thought he had this group of friends in his co-workers, he was never anything more to them than an employee that they saw every day. He showed support to them in their lives, bought thoughtful Christmas gifts, sent them uplifting messages when he knew they were having a hard time with life or with work.
Even through that depression and the struggle to find a job that supports us the way that one did, he has put his family first. Timothy has been working a minimum wage job, cleaning yards, changing oil, fixing cars, mowing lawns, and giving plasma to make sure we are able to make ends meet. He is literally sweating and bleeding for his family and I’m so proud that he is the father of my child. I know few men who would go to such lengths to make sure their child keeps a smile on his face. His first big plans when he gets that better job? After we catch up all our bills and pay off the credit cards, he wants to buy our house and take Braiden to LegoLand because he wants to see his face light up when he gets to stay in a hotel made out of Legos. Even working as hard as he does, he hasn’t missed a graduation ceremony, field day, or father son camp out. He works hard for his family and makes the time for his son. THAT is what a FATHER is supposed to do, and my son has the best one. Happy Father’s Day, Timothy. Thank you for proving me right. We love you.
Writing about it helps 